Saturday, February 18, 2006


Here is a bunch of one-liners that build. By they time they zipped into my e-mail, they were unattributed:

1 . Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies,
"Yes, I'm positive."

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll
serve you, but don't start anything."

4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we
don't serve food in here."

6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
this taste funny to you?"

9. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
Doc says, "It's not unusual."

10. Two cows standing next to each o ther in a field. Daisy says
to Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."

"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
nothing to look at either.

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him."

So he picks the dog up, examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"

"No, because he's really heavy."

13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.

14. I went to see the butcher the other day and I bet him 50 bucks
that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No,
the steaks are too high."

15. What do you call fish with no eyes? Fsh.

16. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"

17. A nurse walks into a bank, preparing to endorse a check. She
reaches in her pocket , pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to
write with it. She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then
realizing her mistake, says, "Well that's great, just great.
Some behind got my pen."

18. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

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