Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Just where do baby librarians come from?

Well, Jim may want you to believe that baby librarians come from library schools and lead a "human"life like the rest of you folks out there. I am here to reveal the darkest secrets of librarianship.

The name librarian may be a clue to those of you with a bent for wordology, the study of the sources of words. Notice how close it is to the word amphibian. The ending is just the same. The photo above is classic librarian breeding habitat. Librarians in their adult phases, when you meet them in libraries are biblorial (book-based), or some times nowadays digitorial (finger-based) life-forms.

But larval forms must live in water. Aquatic, or in extreme cases, whiskey or beer-based life is the true origins of librarians. Infant (baby) librarians are hatched out in nurseries (library schools) in theses habitats. They go through larval stages, as illustrated here. You can see the various larval stages. Experts argue over whether whiskey and beer speed up or retard the growth of the larval librarian. It may vary by species or individual. I have known it to work both ways.

With proper care (see the hand?) a larval librarian can grow to basic maturity in one and a half years. But they still have some phases to move through. You can see from the illustrations here that the young librarian may grow to enormous length and size before entering the final phase. Not all librarians metamorphose into the final instar. From looking much like a salamander or hellbender, the final instar librarian matures into a toadlike being. These are the managing librarians. You can see how large and threatening they get. Notice the one threatening Bambi?

Librarians who achieve personal dominance over other librarians in their library habitat metamorphose into this toad-form. And the final form, as you can see above, becomes truly horrendous, much like a huge cow-flop. This is the most-dominant form of all, the library director.

No comments: